Handling Dissatisfying Situations
I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this feeling: I wake up feeling like today's the day I'll conquer everything. Then, four hours in, I'm ready to quit. Like, the goal just doesn't seem worth it anymore.
Luckily, I found a piece of information that perfectly describes this behavior. In Adam Grant's Originals Book (citing from the "Exit, Voice, and Loyalty" book), he summarized the 4 options we seek when we are dissatisfied: Exit, Voice, Persistence, or Neglect.
Exit: Leave a bad job, end an annoying marriage, leave an oppressive country, or just stop following.
Voice: Speak, protest, shout, or scream. You are actively trying to improve the situation: approaching your boss with ideas, encouraging your spouse to seek counseling, or becoming a political activist.
Persistence is gritting your teeth and bearing it: working hard even though your job is stifling, sticking by your spouse, or supporting your government even though you disagree with it.
Neglect is just staying around doing minimum effort: doing just enough at work not to get fired, choosing new hobbies that keep you away from your spouse, or refusing to vote.
We choose one option or another based on two things: how committed we are, and how much control we feel we have.
If you're committed to your situation - whether it's your company, country, marriage, or friendship - you'll either try to change things by proposing solutions and working hard (when you feel in control) or you'll persist and keep working hard hoping things will change (when you feel powerless).
If you're not committed, you'll either stay and do the bare minimum (when you feel out of control) or exit and start somewhere else (when you feel you have control).
The interesting thing is we don't stick to one position all the time. It's very common to move from one to another based on the situation. You might not be happy with your work overall, but you know it's rewarding so you "persist" until you find your "exit." Same with your country - you might "neglect" the political situation as long as you have a good job and live in your bubble, but once you feel you can make a change, you'll raise your "voice" and start working for change.
I've noticed this pattern in my own projects too. I'll start something feeling super committed and like I can shape the outcome - classic "voice" mode. But when obstacles pile up and I feel like I'm losing control, I slide into "neglect." I'm still showing up, but I'm basically going through the motions.
Although this isn't a problem-solving tool, it actually helped me reflect on my thoughts and actions. Now when I am not sure about my feelings, I ask myself: am I losing commitment, or do I just feel like I've lost control over the process? Sometimes just recognizing the pattern is enough to figure out what to do next.